Monday, July 27, 2015

I feel out of practice...

Hello darkness my old friend....

I've come to eat Red Nuke Powder again.

And tell the people about these chips that suck.

Or maybe be rewarded for pressing my luck.

For these chips are the warm-up to next week.

Weird flavors I seek...

Nice rich welcoming color, no blaring typesets or screaming color schemes...
Today is Lay's Sweet Southern Heat Barbecue chips.  This was the only flavor at the Stuffer Shack that I hadn't tried yet.  As you can see the label has a red chili of some sort, disemboweled for you to gaze upon.  There also appears to be a bowl of ketchup, or maybe cranberry sauce.  As usual, the bag feels light and is puffed full of air to imitate fullness.  I read somewhere that in the puff-bag model of distribution looking full and bigger is a bonus effect, the original purpose being to keep the chips inside from breaking as the container is its own airbag.  Whatever, I still feel cheated.

I am already wary.  Is that RNP or Tang?
The chips themselves taste fresh and they are quite crisp.  The color is off-orange of sorts, usually indicative of RNP but in this case may be purposeful coloring to suggest BBQ sauce.  The flavor is not the usual round-house kick to the tonsils I've been experiencing lately, but it isn't subtle.  There is a nice, semi-sweet flavor of a well spiced barbecue sauce over a mild but defined potato flavor.  But then the magic happens...

There is some heat here.  Not the weird chemical warfare that happens to your face when you eat anything with Red Nuke Powder on it, but heat none the less.  It grows slowly, so much so that I didn't notice it until I was on my 4th or 5th chip.  It also has a nice plateau of heat that is well below tolerable, if not actually pleasant.  It's as if the chips themselves are saying, "Yeah, man, I'm spicy.  But it's the kind of spicy you like.  I want you to finish my bag without pain or suffering.  Just a pleasant low simmer for you to enjoy at your leisure..."

Thanks, chips, I think I will.

Rank 4.1/5.0 - These were actually quite good, I would eat them again. I imagine these would be great old school baloney sandwiches and some Kool-Aid.

So, this was the warm up.  Something easy to work out, like a slow walk on a sunday morning.  But, worse things are coming.  You know what I mean.  The Lay's "Do Us a Flavor" promotion has started.  Be on the lookout in coming weeks for the following atrocities:

Kettle Cooked Gyros  <--I had 1 single chip of these already, in a word: bland
Wavy West Coast Truffle Fries  <--I already know these will suck because real truffles will not be involved
Southern Biscuits & Gravy  <--I reserve judgement on what appears to be horrible
New York Reuben <--First, Nebraska invented the Reuben, so fuck that noise.  Also, will probably suck because it has the option of being great and so the furthest to fall.

So, yeah, look forward to these trainwrecks.  I can't help but feel that, compared to last year, these are all weak-sauce flavors.  None of them are uniquely weird like the cappuccino of last year, they're all kind of a safe bet.  But I guess we'll find out soon enough.