Do you know what your gallbladder is? It's STUPID and it's DUMB and it's NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMORE!!!
Anyway, not that I've been tearing up the blog lately with snack reviews, but things are going to change soon. Or, maybe they won't. They say the best spice is hunger, and if I'm not allowed to eat amazing fatty awesome foods anymore, the more I'll appreciate them when I do sneak one in...
But, let me back up a bit. Sherman, set the way-back machine for about June of 2018. I seem to recall having a massive charcuterie plate at my friends' house, probably too much whiskey. I had a twinge in my back later in the evening, which I attributed to digging post holes for a deck. Except, when I went home for the night, the twinge turned to an ache, and the ache into pain. Over the course of the next several hours I found that I could not find a position that was comfortable. I tossed and turned, I had hot flashes and cold sweats. The pain was concentrated in my back, just the right of my spine, and at the bottom of my ribcage. This pain radiated around my right side to just under my breastbone in the front. It was like I had been run through and could only feel the entry and exit wounds. Not sharp pain, just constant dull pressured pain. Pain which came in very slow waves of increasing intensity until I finally "popped" and fell asleep at like 3 or 4 in the morning. What the actual Fuck was that? I should see a doctor.
Schedule my first non-work-related physical in. .. ever. Get blood draws, go to my physical, get a finger up my butt... And then listen to Dr "Throw-Ass" drone on about his fucked up diet ideas, starvation, and how grains tell your body Winter is Coming and put on fat. Oh, times up, sorry we didn't get a chance to talk about your actual problem. Bye!
Okay, so, bloodwork shows I'm not a complete wreck, maybe that incident was a one-off. Time To Ignore The Problem! (and I still don't know what it is) Several months later, wash, rinse, repeat. But this time it's different. I'm definitely dying. I've never felt pain like this before. I nearly shit myself, and I power vomit for hours. To quote a phrase from a friend, "It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever." Obviously this is the same as the old thing, but now 10 times more painful. Like, Can't even lie down without taking huge drugs, even then didn't get to sleep until 8 or 9 the next morning.
At this point, I'm desperate for answers. Looking up everything online, try to convince myself I passed a kidney stone or something. Eventually talk to my mother (a nurse) who gives me this look of "dumbass" and basically says it can only be my gallbladder going to shit. Also, how could I not know this, seriously WTF kid?
So, that's where we are. Had another attack, about as bad as the first one, over Xmas. Have finally been to a real doctor, who is not my old looney doctor, and received a diagnosis. Getting my guts imaged on Monday. Probably get this sucker popped out sometime in January? Time will tell. But fuck you Gallbladder. You had one job and you fucked it up royal.
I wanna eat a pint of ice cream to console myself, but that could literally kill me...
